#WHAT THE FUCK DOES THE PREVIEW MEAN CHRIST

[katyawriteswhump]

power of love, part 17

PREVIEW: "Steve does that twisty thing with his tongue that Eddie couldn’t stop dreaming about. He’s gotten his whole body wrapped tight round Eddie, legs hitched round Eddie’s hips. In the water, he’s weightless, and as for Eddie… Whoops, can’t help it, Stevie! Heaven exists after all, because Eddie’s gotten both his hands clamped happily to Steve’s butt, and he’s rutting against him, raising waaay more than a semi..."

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 18

CW for temporary character death... and then steddie cuteness, promise!

Eddie POV continued

O’Sullivan regards Eddie like something he’s just scraped off the bottom of his boot, then turns about and grabs Steve’s drooping chin. “Tell us where the girl is, Harrington. Or Loverboy’s gonna wish he’s never been born.”

Eddie’s stomach performs a sickening flip. Steve twists from O’Sullivan’s grip, looks pretty much ready to spit:

“Okay, okay,” he says. “I know who you mean. I never saw her. Ever! I swear! She’s dead. That’s what I heard… uh… yeah. Dead. Right? Trust me, she was swallowed by that Upside-Down-gate-craziness. Happy now? HAPPY NOW?”

O’Sullivan sighs. Then backhands Steve, hard, around the face. The white of Steve’s eyes flash up. He slumps limply against the guy behind him. They let him slide to the floor, impacting with a soft thud.

“If I were you, Munson, I’d consider your answers more carefully,” says O’Sullivan, as casually as if Steve had failed a physics test.

Eddie is left alone, with Steve lying on the floor, slumped on his side. Time stands still. A yellow strip-light flickers. Eddie remains plastered against the wall.

As if moving would be to concede this is real.

Steve isn’t moving. Steve is completely motionless.

Steve is… 

After his second major concussion, Robin told Eddie, Steve wasn’t supposed to drink. But there was more to it, Eddie recalls. He can’t remember who spilled the rest, Steve or Robin, but Eddie knows—the doctor’s warning had been brutal. Any more head trauma, and Steve might have a stroke, a brain bleed, go blind, deaf, lose his memory, go mad. He could die.

A flash of wild terror spurs Eddie into action. He rushes to Steve, eases him over, gives him a little shake. “Steve? Steve!” He lifts Steve’s head and shoulders into his lap, cupping his face, jostling him gently. “You’re gonna be okay, Stevie. I’m gonna slay those son-of-a-bitches for this. Wake up. Wake up!”

He brushes the hair from Steve’s face. It’s so stupidly soft and warm, and his skin is warm too, hot even. There’s reddish marks around Steve’s temple and cheekbone where O’Sullivan struck him. “Not so bad, huh? C’mon. Wakey wakey, buddy.”

Eddie feels the blood trickling from Steve’s ear, mingling with the mud on Eddie’s jeans, before he sees it.

“Oh God, Baby, no, no, no, no, no.”  Eddie lowers his cheek to Steve’s lips. No breath. NO BREATH! He fumbles for a pulse, and…

Time passes.

Tears drench Eddie’s face then dry up then start again. He hugs Steve to him, rocking him as if that would help, showering kisses on Steve’s hair till it’s matted with tears.

Eventually, Eddie’s arms ache so bad he shifts position. He cradles Steve more squarely across his lap and notices the scrap of paper half-tucked in Steve’s pocket. It’s the same green paper that Steve wrote that douchey sucker-punch note on.

Not that it matters now. Nothing matters now. Eddie reaches for it and reads it anyhow. 

Eddie, I love you. Please don’t follow me. Steve x

The sourest tears yet flood his eyes. “I love you, too. I love you, I love you. We shouldn’t have worked. We should’ve hated each other's guts. But we did work, which was totally nuts. Jesus Christ, I loved you so much.” 

Talk about timing, Munson. Story of my life. Story of my fucking life.

He wishes those bastards would come in and finish him. The thought of a future without Steve is unbearable.

…

Steve POV

Steve’s been here before.

His pain dies in an instant. The blood-red veil lifts from in front of his eyes. That wordlessly singing voice trickles through the waters, reassuring him everything will be all right. 

This time, he sure as heck doesn’t buy that candy-ass bull.

He can see Eddie, though it’s like he’s peering at him through mists. Eddie’s pain, on the other hand, is as raw and real to Steve as a dagger twisting in his gut. He hears Eddie’s voice, too, shaken by endless sobs: “Jesus Chris, I loved you so much.”

“That past tense sucks, Eddie. I love you, too.”

Eddie can’t hear, of course. Even scarier, Steve sees his own body, snug in Eddie’s arms, and he sure as heck isn’t in it. The swirling blue fogs between them thicken, and he hears a trickle of water. No, no, no, no, no! Don’t take me away. Still not yet. Please? I’ve gotta get back to him! 

“You know what you have to do,” says that now-totally-annoying voice in his head.

Steve spins around. His spooky-ass fairy-water-god-spirit is floating around like a nerdy freshman with a crush on him. He raises some disturbingly translucent arms to the heavens. “You’re really starting to piss me off, you know that?”

“You know what you have to do.”

They sorta smile. He glares, while formulating a ballpark approximation of what’s supposed to happen next. Red tide rises, blue tide sweeps through these tunnels like a tsunami and BOOM washes these suckers to Hell. Or whatever. El comes back to Hawkins, defeats Vecna for good, saves the world.

He needs to channel his anger, feed that hate. One major problem:

“Hate to be a bummer, but I’m not being roped into your world of crazy. Not right now.” He plants his ghostly hands on his hips. “I can’t flush away the first guy who loved me back, like he was a dead goldfish or something.”

“You cannot drown him with love.”

“Seriously, if you don’t cut the cryptic bullshit, I’m gonna have to punch you.” 

“Your power never came from anger, Steve. You’ll do anything to protect them, remember? Anything… anything.”

“Huh?” He turns that one over in his mind. Actually, it makes some sense. He shrugs and peeps over his shoulder. A single glance at Eddie, hunched and miserable, growing ever more distant, and that burning core of hate within him fades. Something a shitload stronger replaces it.

That’s when he feels it. A strange drag from the depths of his soul, an irresistible gravity that—somehow, he knows this—draws every drop of water in Hawkins toward the tunnels.

Oh. Crap. This is gonna be huge.

He squeezes his eyes tight, concentrates hard. 

I’ll do anything to protect him. Anything. Anything… Jesus Christ, Eddie, I really hope this works!

…

Eddie POV

At length, a couple of O’Sullivan’s minions come in, grab Eddie by his arms, hoist him up. He clings to Steve’s cold hand, like a kid clinging to a broken toy, till he’s forced to let him drop. The door slams between them.

“You’re just gonna leave him on the floor?” He mutters it way too quiet, keeps on muttering, as if it would distract him from the searing pain in his heart. “My uncle, a ton of decent guys I know—they served their country. Did it for reasons that made sense to them at the time. Wondering how this makes sense to you? Murdering teens. Hunting little girls. Bet your folks are real proud.”

They frogmarch him back to that vast hall. One of them points to a tall, upright box. Screw it, it looks like a coffin! O’Sullivan stalks over, and a white-hot hatred seizes Eddie, teeth grinding, because he’s totally beyond words.

O’Sullivan points to the box. “We call this the chokey. I suggest you tell us everything you know, and fast, or you will be spending some time in it. We also have one with spikes. It’s called an Iron Maiden.”

That’s when Eddie totally cracks up. “Iron Maiden? Awesome!” He manages several twangs on an air guitar, before he’s grabbed again, mid silent power-chord. They can’t cut off his genuine if joyless laughter: “You couldn’t make this shit up! This is the end of the Twentieth Century, man! I mean, I’m a huuuuuge fan of Iron Maiden, don’t get me wrong, but… Oh my God, oh my God, this is fucking insane!”

O’Sullivan looks pissed, and Eddie is shoved toward the upright coffin. That’s the point where Eddie hears the deafening thunder of the approaching flood.

Panic erupts in the hall. A split second later, the wall of water slams into him and sweeps him along, completely submerged. Screw Iron Maiden—his lungs are caught in an iron clamp. He sees his captors in the water, floating, fighting, scrambling. Drowning! Eddie’s panic swells bringing the swell of darkness with it…

His hand is grabbed, then he’s tugged close, held tight. He breathes something far sweeter than air, because Steve’s suddenly there, and he looks fiiiine, apart from… Oh shit, his eyes are no longer brown. They’re a deep, swirling midnight blue, like a whirlpool that’s gonna suck Eddie in. Which he kinda does, and Eddie’s good with that.

Steve’s lips close over Eddie’s, and the kiss is mind-blowing. Almost instantly, the weight of life lifts from Eddie’s shoulders, sweet air fills his lungs, and everything rocks. Steve anchors them both, as the flood rushes by, allowing Eddie to get totally in to the kiss.

Oh yeah, Baby! 

Steve does that twisty thing with his tongue that Eddie couldn’t stop dreaming about. He’s gotten his whole body wrapped tight round Eddie, legs hitched round Eddie’s hips. In the water, he’s weightless, and as for Eddie… Whoops, can’t help it, Stevie! Heaven exists after all, because Eddie’s gotten both his hands clamped happily to Steve’s butt, and he’s rutting against him, raising waaay more than a semi.

The awesomeness is mildly interrupted by Steve’s voice in his head. “We have to finish this, Eddie. We have to get rid of these suckers, so Eleven can save the world.”

This should be shocking, but Eddie’s so punch-drunk on crazy he barely blinks. I think it’s kinda finished, thinks Eddie. Seriously, haven’t you drowned them already? Oh, and sorry ’bout the mahoosive boner.

“Back at ya, man. It’s not about killing them, tho’.”

Woah, you can hear MY voice too?

“’Course I can, dipshit! You’re part of this—haven’t you figured it out yet? It’s about love not hate, okay? You gotta help me.”

Help you with what, Babe?

“Um… I think I need to open a gate to another dimension.”

The Upside Down?

“Uuuuuh, not sure if I can do that one. It’s another one.”

Riiight. Sounds tricky. Can’t we just make out forever?

“Screw it—that could work.”

The kiss is already messy, sloppy, bordering on bruising, tongues scrubbing roughly, and teeth skimming tender flesh. As they happily suck each other’s faces off, Eddie senses a magnet-like current flowing between them, which doesn’t feel like Steve. It’s the stillness of ages, the brutal strength of nature, and a savage fury that escalates to a scream that’s definitely NOT Steve’s voice, though, actually, it might as well be:

“GET OUT OF MY TOWN AND STAY AWAY FROM MY KIDS!”

A mini thunderstorm whips up in Eddie’s head, crashing, cracking and fizzing like his skulls gonna explode. He enfolds Steve tighter than ever and kisses him like the fate of the world depends on it.  

Which it might. Which is totally rad. There’s plenty worse ways to save the world than kissing Steve Harrington.

A boom louder than an AC/DC concert shakes the crap out of him, and everything fades to black.

Part 18

...

I might be taking a short break before I write more of this... maybe not, but life is not kind right now... we'll see ;)

tags: @estrellami-1 @kal-ology @finntheehumaneater If anybody else would like to be tagged on this fic or any of my writing, please let me know :)

(also part of my steve whump fic series on AO3)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16

[brimbrimbrimbrim]

I just read the first chapters of Seed of Human Kindness and its already bookmarked, subscribed, kudoed, loved and protected by me. JDOSXIOWIXIWSIS I AM LITERALLY IN CRUMBLES BC AT THE SAME TIME I READ SOMETHING SO GOOD BUT I NEED MORE TO BE SATISFIED – call me the cook because im eating this fic up like its some man yumyum –

If its annoying, just ignore, but do you have a estimate of when the next chapter will be out?

Btw. Loved ur writing so much, u got the vaultie and the ghoul personality down to a T!!

You bless me with this ask. My heart is all a flutter and my insides all a bother. Thank you. I’m really happy that you’re enjoying the first two chapters so much. I’ve been having a blast writing (my muse is back, baby!) and I’m, once again, so humbled to find fellow weirdos that like what I like.

Chapter 3 will be out this Friday at the latest. Here’s a lil preview. Pardon any spelling or grammatical issues. It’s still a rough draft. :)

“The sun is setting… right? Maybe we should make camp? Find us some shelter, and I’ll make dinner. The salted Fiend is still good, and we got those canned beans from last night. Unless you’ve got any other ideas, Gunslinger?”

She’s asked for his name no less than two dozen times before turning the nickname into an insult for not offering up anythin’ else. The cook’s told him her name just about as often, but it does shit to him her cookin’ can’t satiate, and he’d instead get butt fucked in a dirt grave than admit he’s been thinkin’ ‘bout taking her stupid vault suit in his hands… of ridding her of it… breaking her in like a mare in the middle of no man’s land, chanting that fuckin’ name as he fills her with that sticky sap she’s after.

‘Foul fuckin’ thoughts of wanton violence and devious lust, indeed.”

Thankfully, he likes her an’ the grub enough not to fuck up a good thing. Minus the chatter, she’s been painless company so far…

The Ghoul glances down at her as she scans the horizon: a ritual when she began noticing the position of the sun and his corresponding decision to make camp. She’s spied many forgotten ingredients on their path east, of which she’s found uses for plenty. In the several days he’s been saddled with her, The Ghoul’s eaten well: eggs ‘n tato hash, chili with hard tac, pan-cooked peaches topped in gingersnap crumble, not to mention all the well-cooked steak and shikabobs of whatever root vegetable she’s been able to spot.

On cue, his stomach starts to rumble and cramp, eager for another well-cooked meal.

“Not much but radroaches out this way…” he states, matter o’ fact and intently uncaring until he feels like bein’ mean just for the fuck of it and bites out, “Unless you wanna bait us a Fiend or two, hm?” The Ghoul takes in the openness around ‘em, wondering how long it’d take for her to attract some curious cowpoke if he dangled her over the highway…

“Betcha we’d have us some fresh meat in half an hour with your luck.”

No answer.

The silence stretches a half-second too long, leaving him spooked enough The Ghoul turns on his heel, leather brim cutting out the sun, and finds himself alone.

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ,” he curses, “Where’d that bitch run off to…”

<3

[lost-boys-chapter]

I have successfully completed the twok reread!! got through the sanderlanche this afternoon. hoping to get through words of radiance before september as it's the last work month before many a school month meaning my free time is gonna plummet dramatically. anyway

I've not got a bunch to say about the end of this book, considering how much happens. I think most of what we actually learn in twok is resolved in the next few books. but of course who would I be without my rambles?

genuinely one of my favorite moments of this book was when kaladin went around the tower looking for someone in charge and when he couldn't find someone he just looked at one guy and went 'you're promoted.' my man does NOT have the authority and everyone knows it but they're just like. yeah sure why not. kaladin ily.

I do really feel for rlain at this point. not sure I ever really processed how shit his situation was when he revealed himself in (wor or ob?) cus by that point the carapace armor shit has passed but jesus fucking christ someone give that crab therapy. renarin I'm looking at u

KABSAL!! we've been knew by this point that I forgot about him but he was a ghostblood?? mind you not a very good one was he. that was a very cool reveal that I feel like. did actually hit harder in cool points the second time around.

think I'll def begin to enjoy dalinar's pov now again. he's so boring in twok I'm so sorry. but yeah

looking forward to shallan's pov chapters next book. I wasn't really paying attention to Team Scholar the first time around but knowing more of actually what's going on with them now they're like. crazy lore dropping left and right. I wanna see what I can glean from these two now I'm more invested in both their characters and their storylines.

I think wit is suspicious. but I love him. his epilogues are great. I fear his goals will be beyond all of our understanding until it's too late xxx

also the more I reread the more I buy into the city-shattering/continent shattering theory I've seen around. totally forgot about that vision that dalinar has where kholinar shatters. given it was the first one he had I suspect it might be an end-of-book event in kowt. but who knows Brandon's mind is unknowable!!

I've definitely been thinking a lot about the death rattles too. a couple of main thoughts:

does anyone else think the 'I hold the suckling child in my hands....and know that all who live wish me to let the blade slip....and with it gain us breath to draw' one leads into 'so the night will reign, for the choice of honor is life?' it definitely sounds like they're both referring to child champion theory. which I do hate as a theory but I see it.

I think the 'I'm standing over the body of a brother. I'm weeping. is that his blood or mine? what have we done?' one is usually agreed to be about gavilar but I think it's about kaladin and moash. I won't b elaborating.

also the 'I raise my hand. the storm responds' one could so be about dalinar if he becomes a fused. like he loses the battle but still retains some bondsmith powers and now uses them for ✨️evil✨️ or something. who knows.

anyway that's all for now, hopefully about 40% of it is coherent. will be reading the new preview chapters after work tonight or tomorrow but I'm hyped for them !!

[redwineconversation]

Lyon - Fleury Coupe de France Postgame Thoughts

Should I put this under a read more? Probably. Will I? No.

This game was an absolutely preview of what is going to happen in the fucking playoffs: a shitty ref, blatant missed calls, teams parking the bus, it goes to penalties, Lyon loses on penalties.

I hope this, too, confirms that Lyon desperately needs to get rid of Bompastor, and desperately needs to get rid of the deadweight that is Marozsan. Arguably one of her worse performances of the season, and there have been a lot of them.

It's not really fair to blame the midfield, because I do think that Dabritz was one of the better players of the game. Damaris was, well, Damaris - she got fouled, tried to her job. It wasn't a standout performance from her, but it was more or less what I expected from her.

Marozsan also performed as expected, and by that I mean she was absolutely godawful. I do not understand how her fans keep defending her mediocre performance after mediocre performance. Is she a quality player? Sure. Is she technical? Sure is. But Jesus Christ she no longer has the level to be anywhere near this Lyon side, not if they want to win games. Not when actual physical effort / intensity is required.

Sit her ass on the bench, sell her, use her as a warm body in practice, I don't care. She just no longer has the level, and you can make a genuine argument she doesn't have the will either, to perform at this level. She just doesn't. The sooner everyone comes to term with that reality the better.

Majri didn't really do much of anything either way. Nothing stood out, nothing made me recoil in horror. She was obviously pissed at being subbed out but alas when the intention was to win in regular time... You wanted players who would actually push forward.

Hegerberg getting subbed 20 minutes in was annoying, partly because our offense is so blatantly stagnant without her, and partly because that should have been a red card to the goalkeeper. This goes back to what I said at the beginning - it was a shitty ref with blatant missed calls. The game probably would have been different if Fleury's starting goalkeeper had been sent off. She wasn't, she made the necessary saves, Lyon lost. It is what it is.

Bacha was either on, or she was way off, and there wasn't really an in between. It's frustrating when she's like that, switched on only in fleeting moments.

Defense was what it was, didn't really stand out either way. It'll be nice to have Gilles back if only for the height on corners; likewise, we were very obviously missing Renard on the field. @mom please come back, the kids aren't the same without you. Contrary to the wrong opinions of some, Sombath is a better center back than she is right back, and is better suited when she actually plays in her natural position. A novel concept for those who don't expect Lyon to win games, but again, here we are.

Carpenter I thought was rusty with Diani and better with Cascarino, but I think that just comes down to having a better connection with Cascarino than she does Diani simply because she has played with Cascarino for longer.

Van de Donk did what was expected of her, I do wonder if the game had been different had the No. 10 been played by a player who actually cared if the ball was won back. Again, we'll never know, what's done is done. I'd say this should serve as a wakeup call to Bompastor that van de Donk should have that starting spot for games Lyon actually wants to win, but knowing Bompastor, we're going to see Becho as a 10 next week purely because she lives to disappoint me.

So that's the player recap, let's talk about the game itself. Lyon didn't play well until probably the 85th minute, when they accepted it was going to go to penalties and they didn't want that to happen. Why it took them 85 minutes to wake up, lord only knows, but we can blame Bompastor's coaching regardless.

My stance on Bompastor is this: I think she has to go, I think she will go, and my main concern is that we will get Bompastor 2.0. I do not want to have to go through another coach whose main philosophy is to "give young academy players a chance" instead of recruiting players who understand what it takes to win the UWCL. You can't have it both ways. Either you want the best players or you want to be a club who allows its academy players to express themselves, if it's the latter, then they will not be a UWCL competitive team.

Academy players weren't on the field today, but it's still something I want to rip into for Bompastor so we're going to talk about it. If you want to win the UWCL then you have to recruit players capable of doing so. If you want to win competitive games, you have to have players who are capable of doing so. The fact of the matter is there are a considerable amount of players on Lyon's current roster who have no business being there. That they are is simply because Bompastor believes in giving academy players a chance, instead of focusing on maintaining Lyon's position in Europe.

Will Lyon even be playing in Europe next season? This game showed that there's a real probability that Lyon could not make the UWCL next season, despite being 21 (!!!!) points ahead of the 4th place team. The fucking playoffs are so detrimental.

Because we saw what happened today: a team just needs to park the bus, have a shitty ref who misses blatant calls, and let it get to penalties where it becomes a roll of the dice. With a little bit of luck Lyon will actually have its reliable penalty takers back come playoffs, but that's a whole other conversation. Were Fleury really the better team? No, they weren't. But they converted their penalties whereas Lyon didn't, so they're in the final of the Coupe de France and Lyon is not. It's extremely concerning that this conversation could happen again in a couple of months.

I don't think the argument that playoffs "make the league more competitive" can be done in good faith. You can point to the NWSL and be like "it's a competitive league! Anyone can win up until the last day!" But it's also a closed league with zero consequences. A team can fail to make the playoffs in the NWSL and absolutely nothing affects them for the following season. A team can win the NWSL and they get a bonus and a trophy. Doesn't mean anything for the next season either.

You can't make that same argument for the D1 Arkema when the UWCL is at play. There will be genuine consequences if Lyon fails to make the UWCL next season, not least an exodus of players who will make what is happening with Wolfsburg a walk in the park. There are obvious financial repercussions as well as recruitment. Top players interested in trophies want to play in the UWCL. They're not going to sign for a team whose pitch is "well, fingers crossed we can make it next season. Please sign?"

If you're going to do the fucking playoffs, do it for a tournament where it doesn't matter what happens for the next season. Otherwise you get the scenario we just saw.

TL:DR - #BompastorOUT and Marozsan is awful. Fuck the playoffs. I hate losing.

[longeyelashedtragedy]

⭐^⭐

⭐ ⭐ both below the cut!

first, let's do: something from the unpublished fic colloquially known as "Jamie did a bad bad thing." I guess the working title is "red red red." it's too disjointed to have a proper title yet--

“I’ll just be honest, Jamie.  Some of my friends think you’re gay.”

Jamie’s heart is instantly pounding so much he feels like he can’t breathe. “Who does?  Which friends?”

“Does it matter?”

"Of course it fucking matters. I want to know who's saying that kind of shit about me."

"As if being gay was the worst thing in the world, Jamie. Jesus Christ."

Jamie thinks he should have a good, snappy response, to show Louise just how wrong she was, but he comes up so blank that she just snorts out of some kind of disgust, shakes her head, and turns away from him.

What was bad about it? Well...the things Dad and Uncle Frank always said, for one. 

He feels stupid not having a proper answer for Louise. And for his only answer to be something about his Dad and his uncle, like he wasn't a full-grown adult. 

He closes his eyes he doesn’t want to see Louise he doesn’t want to think about her but when he closes his eyes—

Red red red on the pink lips.  The hand that haunts him (all those movies he was so scared of back then were just a preview…) The chubby hand that haunts him, a little damp from the sweat of Ayia Napa nights, a little sticky.  Hitting at his arms kind of uselessly.  Sloppy.  Jamie Jamie Jamie Jamie.  What kind of hand was it? 

--throughout this fic, Jamie has to encounter a few things over and over that haunt him, and one of them is his own learned homophobia vs his obvious wanting of another, uh, man. I was thinking about how hate and bigotry are just such pathetic, empty concepts. like, if you stop to break it down for a second--unless you're some kind of leviticus bible thumper, there is literally nothing wrong with being gay, and if you only think so cause you grew up hearing it from adults, that's extremely pathetic, and could be embarrassing to be caught in by someone who thinks your homophobia is ridiculous. I know that not everyone is gonna think like this--trust me, i've experienced homophobia of my own--but themes of infantilization kind of run throughout the Lampardverse and i like the idea of jamie's own issues getting thrust back in his face to make him feel even more pathetic and insecure. (I also experienced something like this in real life--a person trying to make a homophobic remark who got shut down by everyone else around him making him feel like shit about it, and it was kind of epic ngl). But then also we have Jamie--canonically insanely anxious and fearful and haunted Jamie--getting drawn away from reality by the disjointedly remembered nightmare of his Past Actions.

the next one: from the Christmas Chapter (TM, 'tis the season!) of Dangerous AU. warnings: being a little gross with blood, gratuitious mention of Killing. it's dangerous AU, you know! blunt but pulpy and silly.

“This blood is very sexy on you. Let me take a picture.”  And Granit pulls out his phone.  “This will be very nice to have when you’re not with me, you know.”

Mikel barely thinks about what Granit means.  He leans back down and takes another taste. 

“Hey, hey, what the fuck!”  Granit’s hand grips his arm too hard and pulls him up to his feet.  “What are you doing?”

“This is part of what I do.”

“But—you—”  Granit is confused, and Mikel can practically see his mind working and fail to make sense of it.  No one could possibly.  “You’re—But aren’t you going to get sick?”

“I haven’t yet. But if I do…I do. Does it matter?” Who would even care, he’s always wondered, if he was gone? His family, sure. But they’d never known the real Mikel; they’d be mourning someone else. So would it even matter?

“Yes it does. Of course it matters.”  Granit is angry at him.  “What about your Granit? Do you think he wants to lose you?”

Granit places his hand over Mikel’s fast-beating heart. “Don’t—don’t be stupid. Okay? Kill them as much as you want, you deserve to have some fun, maybe I can watch again someday. I hope I can.  But don’t be stupid.”

There’s so much Granit still doesn’t know. 

“Okay, shpirti im?”

Mikel just nods. There’s no need to argue this right now. 

He wraps his arms around Granit and presses his forehead, where no blood is, against Granit’s heartbeat. 

They are still singing in the church. He used to like midnight mass—the songs, the incense and shadows and mystery. 

This is better. 

Here we get a little glimpse into serial killer Mikel's, uh, behaviors. i haven't figured out when in the trajectory of this fic this chapter happens, but by the time it does, the reader will know plenty about mikel's behaviors after he murders and why he does. however, this'll be granit's first time seeing it, and he's kind of horrified. remember, of course, that granit is a murder machine and a sadist who kills for fun in a way that mikel does not, but--BUT!

this is one of my favorite parts of writing dangerous au, see, it's over the top and silly, and a recurring theme is that both of them are often on a kind of moral high horse about their own killing methods and motivations. for example, granit--and Taulant when he finally shows up (who, in canon, mikel is slightly afraid of) and all of his people think the concept of serial killing is weird and disturbing, while mikel thinks granit & co are slightly unnerving and deranged. this is FUNNY (to me, because i have a dreadful sense of humor) because obviously neither of them has ANY place to judge. also what's important here is the running theme of granit sincerely believing mikel has so much worth and having a huge heart of gold--in his very own way--when it comes to him. in fact, granit loves and values mikel so much that mikel's lack of self-worth makes hm rather angry!

[vertigoambrosia]

s2 getting serious here!

i'm glad that i know life goes on in past this 'claw actually does a terrorism' arc; i stopped watching one punch man because it just got too dour and destruction

esp since i didn't realize serizawa started out on the bad side

ok but is anemia what they meant here? because uhhh someone should have noticed that with mob if he ever went to the doctor

his parents are so weird in general; like, they seem very unconcerned with their son (and later, both of their sons) having psychic powers beyond a 'not again!' when he does something inconvienient by accident

yoooooo that suplex was clutch shou

ugh mogami's back

or not?

god the claw head is creepy as fuck

man some people just have ability after fucking ability; it's kind of annoying

yeah see this is kind of the same thing i felt with one punch man; watching curb stomp fights until the protagonist gets there gets boring

oh for fuck's sake guy has the fucking sharingan or some shit too

REIGENNNNNN

my man wins by being normal once again

man the chibis in the ending are so cute

woah woah woah that preview

reigen with a gun?

i actually really like watching the dub, but the site i'm watching it on doesn't have ons creen translations for text like emails and titles and whatnot so i'm forced to watched the sub

man how stupid is serizawa

ah i see, a foil

man mob really has grown so much!

ok i was being a little hard on serizawa he was being willfully dumb

(kinda)

(you know what i mean)

oh of course suzuki has a true trump card

oh mob honey talking is not the call here

omg is reigen going to self defense him?

serizawa!!! good job bro

yeah you asshole when you don't value people it's easy for them to not want to follow you!

wait is talk no justu working a ltitle?

jesus christ mob

man city-ruining destruction is so lame

how tf did this dude mask hard enough to marry someone and have a kid with her

i guess that's pretty cynical of me considering why he was flashing back

...so now we post-apocalyptic for a bit?

lmaoooo ritsu has 0 respect for reigen

broccoli?

this is kind of a mood whiplash after the whole mushroom cloud red sky beating the shit out of your son throwing buildings at each other shit

don't get me wrong, i like a happy ending and didn't want things to end on a sad note, but everything is wrapping up a little tooooo nicely and neatly

lmaoooooooo even mob is freaked out by the giant broccoli he accidentally made

i do like that both mob and suzuki got saved because the energy went toward making something grow instead of destruction

ohhh serizawa - anxiety in a suit

i get it man

[einsk8rot]

stuff from the offical sk8 twt!

[bloomsberries]

Any bedlam preview? Please. . . .

Sure, here’s a bit from the last chapter, The Road Back:

“You haven’t got much stuff,” Effy notes, glancing at Emily’s luggage—a single, small bag next to Katie’s two overstuffed suitcases. Effy’s only got one bag, too, bigger than Emily’s but it still makes Katie wish she’d been more prudent in her packing. They’ll only be ten days, after all.

Emily nods. “No,” she admits. “I haven’t. I won’t be staying long.”

“What d’you mean?” Katie asks, surprised. This is the first she’s heard of it; she’d just come to accept that her twin would tag along like a decrepit, lonely widow on holiday with her well-appointed and happily engaged sister. In a fit of pique, Katie had enjoyed the fantasy of it, anyway.

“Much as I like you,” Emily says, a hint of amused sarcasm in her voice, “I’d rather not completely ruin your holiday. I’ve booked a room at a separate hotel, and I’ve got an idea of things I’d like to see on my own, that’s all.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I am telling you. This is me telling you, Katie.”

“Christ, you know what I fucking mean.”

“It’s just not a big deal, okay? You’ll have a better time without me.”

That much is true, and truth wins out, so Katie doesn’t bother arguing, but she silently worries; Emily appears less brittle than she did the first few days after her break-up with Naomi, but touring London on her own seems ill-advised; and Katie isn’t sure whether it means Emily is trying to move on by tucking a callous adventure under her belt, or if she’s still emotionally lost, and looking to fall deeper into the void.

Once they are on the train, it’s Effy who broaches the verboten subject.

“You alright, then?” she asks Emily. “You don’t have to talk about it, but I know where we can go. If you’re looking to forget, that is.”

“Straight to the fucking point,” Emily says, smiling a little as she tips her head against the window and stares out. (Katie only sees a blur of trees and a soft white sky.) “I’m fine, really.” After a pause, she adds, “Not fine yet, but I will be, and a little distance might do me some good.”

“It’s none of my business, and you can tell me to shut the fuck up if you’d like, but she does love you. She’s wrecked, too," Effy says.

Katie’s eyes dart to Effy’s in time to see Effy, for a moment, looking back.

Emily grimaces. “A lot of good it’s done us. Just look how well we’re doing,” she says, her derision tempered by time. Katie remembers the first torrents of hot rage that poured out of her once she'd finished sobbing her eyes out, at the beginning of it. Rather, at the beginning of the end. What’s left now is less angry than sad, tired.

“I know, but if anyone’s got a chance, you do. Maybe it isn’t over, not for good.”

“And if it is?”

“Then you’ll have a lovely memory.”

“Doubt it,” Emily says. “Once a relationship ends, people only remember the bad, don’t they?”

“Then you’ll just have to try to not be most people.”

Katie watches the conversation like she might an episode of Eastenders, detached yet horrified--listening to Effy pretend to be hopeful about love is doing her head in. Where is the pragmatist who only a few months earlier wagered twenty quid on Naomi and Emily’s romantic demise? Whose concept of love is reduced to “whatever that means,” as though words have no concrete meaning? What is this bollocksy prattle about rose-coloured memories and unlikely reunions?

Emily shrugs Effy’s words away, tired, maybe, of the conversation; of having to dig into fresh wounds. Katie’s tired of it, too.

[nochi-quinn]

Of The Moth For The Star

Fandom: Fallout 4 Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Deacon/Female Sole Survivor, Deacon/Sole Survivor (Fallout), Deacon & Female Sole Survivor, Female Sole Survivor & Nick Valentine, Deacon & Nick Valentine Characters: Deacon (Fallout), Nick Valentine, Female Sole Survivor Additional Tags: POV Deacon (Fallout 4), Hurt/Comfort, Pining, Falling In Love, Love Realization, Bittersweet Ending, Possibly Unrequited Love, Canon-Typical Violence, Deacon has PTSD

Preview:

The solo trip through Charlestown is more nerve-wracking than usual, his mind on his surroundings way less than it should be. It’s on her , damnably, why all the runner had to say was her name and not what might have happened to her.

There might have been more to it if you hadn’t bolted out the door , his mind taunts him. He shakes it off, irritated - he was allowed to worry about her. Right? She was his partner. His friend, even if he was really, really bad at saying that last part out loud. Hell, he just got comfortable saying the first part. With extending that kind of trust. 

“You’re fucked up,” he mutters to himself, for neither the first or last time, and quickens his steps through the city.

When he hits the settlement’s gates he makes a beeline for the market, detouring only when he spots Nick at a table in the corner. The synth stands to greet him, but the friendly hand falls away when he sees the look on Deacon’s face. 

“She’s upstairs,” he says simply. Deacon turns on his heel, taking the stairs two at a time. As a result he beats Nick to the second floor, realizing only once he’s there that he doesn’t know which room she’s in, and has to wait with barely-contained agitation until Nick catches up. Not thinking. Not planning. Pure reaction, pure impulse. Gonna get myself killed like this. 

“Kay did her best,” Nick mutters, approaching a door in the center of the hall. “But she’s gonna need a real doctor. Not that Kay’s - you know what I mean.”

That does nothing to help Deacon’s agitation. When Nick gets the door unlocked it takes everything in him not to shove past him, to get into the room as quickly as he can. 

“She might be asleep,” Nick says, sharp against Deacon’s hurry, but there’s already stirring in the bed in the corner.

“Deac?” Her voice is slurred - she had been sleeping. He feels a little bad for waking her until she sits up, ignoring Nick’s noise of protest, and the thin sheet falls away.

“Jesus Christ.” Deacon takes a half-step towards her, hand outstretched, but stops himself. Lets the hand fall and just stares . She’s wearing a button-down shirt, two sizes too big so that the collar falls low and he can see the litany of bruises crawling up her neck from under the bandages wrapped around what looks to be her entire torso. “What happened ?”

“Gunners,” Nick says grimly. That’s bad enough, but the way Fixer flinches is worse. She didn’t want me to know . The thought is clear and solid in his head, and he feels his jaw settle into a hard line. 

“So a real ‘you should see the other guy’ situation, huh.” The joke is automatic; he doesn’t feel it. Fixer, to her credit, meets his eyes as she nods. Even that small movement has her wincing, and she settles back against the wall with her eyes closed. 

“I’ll…wait downstairs,” Nick says, sliding out into the hall, leaving the two of them alone with the thick, heavy discomfort in the air between them. 

Fixer hasn't sat up, still leaned back against the wall, breathing shallowly. 

"How bad?" Let me see , he wants to say. Let me fix it.

"Ribs." Her voice is strained. "Back. Mostly bruised. No breaks. Probably."

"Grenades?" She just nods, wrapping one arm around her middle with a hard wince and a hissing inhale. 

"That and a car." Deacon closes his eyes, takes a deep breath in. Lets it out slowly. 

"Why here?" 

She opens one eye. "What?" 

"Why have Nick bring you here?" 

The eye drifts shut again. "He doesn't know the way home," she murmurs. "Doesn't want to. Operational security ." The phrase is accompanied by a thin smile. "Knew I could snag a runner here." 

"You couldn't have sent more than your name?" He sinks into the room's only chair, adrenaline finally draining and leaving his muscles sore. He can’t be mad. Wants to be, wants to know why she went and what she did and why she didn’t want him to know, but he’s just too tired and too relieved to find her in mostly one piece. His eyes are still fixed squarely on her, the ragged way she’s breathing and her jaw clenched against the pain. She cracks one eye again, frowning at him.

“I did. Said I was alive but needed help home.”

Told you so. He swats the mental voice away. “He didn’t get to that part,” he admits quietly. “I left pretty quick.” Fixer’s mouth curves into a smile.

“Careful, partner. People might start thinking you care.”

There's a sudden tightness in his chest he can't explain. Probably just adrenaline. He struggles to return the smile, but manages it in the end.

[trashexplorer]

BLCD Review: Aisaretagari no Surface

Title: Aisaretagari no Surface (愛されたがりのサーフェイス)

Author/Artist: Momose An

Release Date: 2021/02/24

Cast: 

Masuda Toshiki x Ono Yuuki *nice choice, but y’all shouldn’t have been shy and cast this as Ono Yuuki x Takahashi Hiroki instead. 🙊

Kumagai Kentarou

Synopsis: Hiruma Itsuki will be co-starring with the younger popular actor, Kasugai Kei, as his brother. In order to become acclimated to their roles, the two are made to live together for the duration of shooting. Itsuki soon finds out that the refreshing and well-behaved Kei was actually a play-boy who slept with anyone and everyone! After giving up on helping Kei like an older brother, Kei pushes him down and asks him to “rehabilitate” him?!

Review Proper

You know, if 25-ji Akasaka de was bad, it would look something like this. Therefore, it looks exactly like Dakaretai Otoko. I don’t know, man. The plot is bad, but like, I don’t think the manga was half as bad as the BLCD—and that’s not something you’ll hear me say every day I’ll say this again probably next month when Tsunaida comes out. You know what this experience reminds me of? Fucking what’s their name again? Yeah, Takasaki Bosco. I mean, the plot was the holy trinity of rapey, trashy, and the audacity of the dumbassery, but istg the BLCD was just wrong. Mind you, I haven’t read the raws (bc ew do I look like I’d spend coin on Momose An?), but I’m pretty sure that sensei knows how to pace if nothing else. To give you a concrete idea on how things were moving, in chapter 1, Itsuki-san walks into Kei having sex with whoever, and he’s like “sorry for intruding your time with your lover, bro”, but Kei immediately corrects him and says that that wasn’t his lover, and that he was a manwhore. AND NOT EVEN A SECOND LATER, KEI PUSHES ITSUKI-SAN DOWN, AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE STILL DOING FOREPLAY, BUT HIS DICK WAS ALREADY IN ITSUKI-SAN’S ASS?!

They didn’t even prep his ass? We don’t even know if Itsuki-san had any experience with anal before this event? 

Wow. The pacing there was just as fast as my patience running out, which brings us to our next point: the casting.

It actually didn’t bother me that Massu was topping Ono here, even though I wanted a reverse because of my sunk Cupid ni Rakurai ship and Stray Blue. I mean, he does pretty well as a top. And if there was just one good thing that I could say about this whole shebang, it would be Massu’s acting. He was a shoe-in for Kei’s role even.

BUT

IDK MAN, ONO PLAYING ITSUKI-SAN’S ROLE JUST GAVE ME THE HEEBIE-JEEBIES!

GET AWAY FROM ME, SATAN!

I was just so uncomfortable hearing Ono in such a dumb role that I could feel my whole body reject it. This casting is not right. This casting is disgusting. You don’t understand. I mean, Kasugai Kei is the same, but Hiruma Itsuki had a personality that was as flat as a fucking piece of paper. And having Ono voice him considering Ono’s forte of dramatic and dynamic roles IS SUCH A HUGE DISSERVICE.

I was waiting for them to just give me KumaKen, but it wasn’t worth the effort. I hate this. Fuck it. Marble, just what the fuck are you doing? I would understand it if this was Marine, but what the fuck are you doing? I feel like it’s all gone down hill for Marble ever since Love Me, Love My Dog. Everybody press F. And again, why? I can forgive Marble begrudgingly for adapting Sakura Riko, but to even ride the Momose An adaptation train with Movic and Frontier? MOMOSE AN DOESN’T EVEN DO GOOD SMUT JESUS CHRIST HOW’D THEY GET FIVE ADAPTATIONS?! I might be getting real harsh here, but as I say in literally every bad review, there are so many other works out there that deserve an adaptation with voice actors as talented as these! WHEN ARE WE GETTING HAJI?! AM I GOING TO DIE BEFORE THAT HAPPENS?!

Breathe, Cheska. Breathe.

Now, if you’re a fan of Momose An and this series, lmao why this would probably be okay to listen to (assuming you don’t mind Ono doing this). From the previews I’ve seen in ebookjapan, they rearranged some things. However, since I didn’t read the whole thing, I cannot judge how closely it followed the manga. But I don’t think that they used a higher-level of Japanese in these, so listening to this might be possible even if you’re a beginner. If you’re just in for a good and hot actors BL, just go listen to and read 25-ji. It’s not exactly smutty, but dang Satou Takuya on that was sex-on-legs. 

Ya, see you in Coyote, Ono. ✨

[analyzingadventure]

Ghost Game, Episode 21, The Spider’s Lure

SO AFTER WHAT THE OFFICIAL ACCOUNT SHARED ON TWITTER, I AM CONCERNED

Is the bastard boy back. Is the big meanie returning this episode. What the fuck is gonna happen to cause that

On a happier note, ARUKENIMON RIGHTS! HELL we’re even gonna see the human form from Zero Two! (Thanks Twitter preview, I guess)

Anyways here we go

Oh those are some creepy eye-- OH GOD

Fuck that’s creepy

So uh, we have like. At least one (1) canon human casualty in the series so far. But that was an accidental death, a tragedy.

Are we now upgrading to straight up murder

OH. OH THOSE SOUNDS. OH NO

OH NO. OH JESUS.

THE BABY GLOVES HAVE COME OFF I GUESS

I WANT TO BE HAPPY AND GUSH ABOUT SEEING HER PRETTY LITTLE FACE AGAIN BUT I’M TOO FUCKING HORRIFIED RIGHT NOW

Such a pretty young lady... Full of human meat... :(

You’re not sus at all honey, not sus at all... (You know atually, considdering the red outfit you could make an easy Amongus joke here)

You know, before the episode aired I was joking with friends how now all GG has to do is bring back Doctor Mummymon (with his PHD) and have these two befriend and everything would be amazing, but... Alas... Mummymon was a sweet bean... I don’t want these two to meet anymore... ;_;

Ah, so they’re using “Archnemon”... I do prefer that localization too, since that is the correct way to spell to root word here, but I heard the “Arukenimon” localization was like a tribute to SMT so I had somewhat switched to that... Sorry I find localization just fun to ponder about, anyways back to watching the kids get eaten alive I guess

Oh great, we also got bunch of Dokugumon here, just a big ol’ Spider Family

She’s so spoopy ;___;

Oh look, those displays there, they kind of remind what Kaiser had going on for him... What a cute reference... Haha

Oh, there’s survivors still...

YUP. WE HAVE A BODY COUNT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

How many fucking Dokugumon are in this facility, jesus christ

Oh no they’re all caught

Oh jesus, fuck

DO NOT EAT THE BABY BOY’S BRAIN (does he even have a brain)

NO

NOO

NAUGHTY BOY IS BACK, OH BOY

I mean I guess at least the Baby Boy will live to see another day

Oh boy... These she goes...

“It’s not time yet”, wat

Wat

Baby Boy is back! But wat

BLACK GALGOMON?!

WELL.  THAT WAS AN EPISODE.

Next episode... A Kiyocchi episode? Seems like fun. No clue what Digimon will show up. Honestly I am okay if the next episode is a bit lighter so I can have more time to fucking recover from this one, because jesus fucking christ

[stormyoceansmain]

things from mr. abel's cameo that made me completely lose it, a not comprehensive list with unnecessary comments:

"look at me while im talking to you" because listen. LISTEN. we been knew they were the healthiest pairing in this show but this is yet another confirmation that they sit down together and TALK. when there's an issue between them they don't just skim over it and let it fester, they address it even if it's not exactly pleasant AND THEY MAKE THINGS WORK. and like.. im pretty sure adam learned all of this from kate but i don't think this is something michael was ever used to do (for many reasons) which means that adam, once again, is [paramore voice] THE ONLY EXCEPTIOOOOOON. excuse me while i cry.

michael apologized to adam. TWICE. while looking like a kicked puppy who knows he did something wrong. the eldest being in the universe after god. the prince and supreme commander of the heavenly host. the fiercest and most powerful warrior of heaven. wrapped around some random dude from minnesota's little finger. [TAKES A DEEP BREATH] [SCREAMS] god this is why i need all the fix-it fics where all the angels come back from the empty, because i NEED raphael and gabriel to see their big stern brother completely besotted with this one human and tease him MERCILESSLY.

the way adam can so easily call michael 'buddy/bud' and scold him.. im FINE. look i know this all sounds very repetitive and im sorry but JESUS CHRIST. WHAT A RELATIONSHIP THEY HAVE.

i don't think i have enough words in my vocabulary to express just how much i ADORE adam. he is so caring and gentle and the time in the cage also made him so understanding and compassionate. like, he was before too, don't get me wrong, but he also had all this anger (completely justified, mind you!!) and of course even now there are some things he will never be able to completely forgive ([coughs] the winchesters) but he is so.. idk, wise, now?? and with michael he is so SO forgiving, like he would have all the reasons to be fucking pissed with michael but instead he is so kind in his scolding and in pointing out what michael did wrong IM LOSING MY GODDAMN MIND OVER THIS.

fast forwarding for a second because it ties to the previews point but michael not wanting to hear adam say he is disappointed.... [HEAD IN MY HANDS] of course. of course michael's nr. 1 fear would be to be a disappointment. he lived his whole existence trying not to disappoint his father, someone who probably punished and diminished him as soon as michael did something he disapproved of. someone who was always cold and distant and didn't care. but adam is there saying 'yes you made a mistake. yes i expected more from you. it doesn't make me love you any less.' and how incredible and new that must be for michael? MAKES ME WANNA CRY FRIENDS.

"I LIKED THAT BODY TOO." DO I NEED TO ADD ANYTHING TO THIS BECAUSE I DON'T THINK I CAN WITHOUT TURNING INTO A SCREAMING PTERODACTYL.

michael getting so excited about mcdonald's of all things.. like it's so funny but also THE MOST PRECIOUS THING. and i love that technically angels only taste molecules when they eat stuff, which means that either michael can taste things through adam or.. idk some molecules taste better than others?? and i can't stop thinking about adam offering michael different food to eat because there MUST be something he can taste and michael doesn't see the point because he doesn't NEED to eat and adam explains it's about enjoying things and michael eventually relents (because OF COURSE HE DOES, but he tries stuff ONLY if adam feeds him directly with his fork or his hand) and so the list of things michael enjoys about humanity expands to 1) adam 2) mcdonald's

[iamnotparticularlyproud]

PPB Square: Kink Discovery | @peterparkerbingo

word count: 2.7k rating: mature warnings: none ao3 link: https://bit.ly/3xpiBdx

Summary: Bucky and Peter have been together for a while, but Peter can’t bring himself to talk to his boyfriend about how their sex life is a bit - uh, well, boring. Instead, Peter searches Bucky’s laptop while he isn’t home for any sign of kink whatsoever. To say it doesn’t go as he planned would be an understatement.

Bucky’s amazing. So, so amazing, and Peter could go on about it for days - about his silly nicknames, the way he makes the Brooklyn drawl sound adorable, his unexpected dorkiness and razor sharp wit, how his hands are so calloused but he holds Peter so softly--

Days, Peter could come up with these for days. 

So, it’s not like there’s anything he wishes he could change about their relationship. It’s - they’re - perfect, everything’s been perfect. Bucky’s just so nice, and after Beck, Peter wasn’t sure he’d ever be in a relationship again, let alone one so - so good. So healthy, and so supportive. 

It’s just--

Their sex is so vanilla. Painfully vanilla. The most unconventional Bucky gets is with his dirty talk, and, yeah, Peter loves how his boyfriend will call him his sweet lil boy, and tell Peter how good he takes a thick cock in his tight ass, but that's about as far as Bucky ever goes. 

And that - that isn’t a bad thing, Peter knows that, it’s just. Boring, sometimes, is all.

Peter wishes he could talk to Bucky about it, because the man always stresses communication and talking problems out, but it’s just so embarrassing. Peter’s just thinking about it and he’s flushed, so how could he say the word kink out loud? 

He can’t. He really, really can’t.

So Peter does the only other thing he can think to do.

He steals Bucky’s laptop and rummages for any signs of kink - anything to suggest his boyfriend isn’t as vanilla as it seems. Peter knows he doesn’t have long - Bucky’s out getting takeout from their favorite Thai place, and it isn’t too far - so he doesn’t waste time as he searches all the keywords he can think of in Bucky’s unorganized folders, his internet history that’s never been cleared, the hard drive Peter got him because he complained about memory but Peter was 99% sure he never touched - he was right - and then tries his luck with the recycle bin, but--

There’s not just no sign of kink.

There’s nothing. There’s no porn at all.

Peter’s mind is blown. He hadn’t even considered that he wouldn’t find porn, he thought that everyone watched porn - and unless Bucky knew how to delete specific pages from his browser history, which Peter heavily doubts, because, c'mon - but apparently, Bucky doesn’t.

He considers that, maybe, since Bucky is nearly a decade older than him, he consumes his porn in a different way. Maybe physical movies or, godforbid, magazines.

Peter’s considering looking through Bucky’s drawers and closets until he finds proof of pornography consumption, but then someone’s clearing their throat behind him.

“Jesus, how do you--” Peter exclaims, because it’s nowhere near the first time this six foot hunk of a man has snuck up on him. Then, he glances at the clunky computer in his lap that is obviously not his, and back at Bucky, who’s looking at the laptop, and then at Peter.

“What’re you doin’ with my computer?”

Peter panics, not because Bucky seems upset, because he doesn’t, just - confused, but it’s such a weird thing to be doing, and he can’t lie at all, and this isn’t--

“Does that say porn?” Bucky asks, suddenly leaning over Peter’s shoulder, and he just sounds amused, but Peter goes on the defensive anyway.

“I-It’s just, you never, and I - this isn’t me wanting you to change, or--”

Bucky moves quickly when Peter starts that familiar stress-ramble; he circles around the couch, puts the plastic bag filled with food down on the coffee table and sits next to him, wrapping an arm around his back and shushing him kindly.

“Slow down, doll.” Bucky smiles, sincerity etched in his crow’s feet, “Can’t understand you when you’re talkin’ too fast, remember?”

Peter stops. He nods, then he takes a breath. When he lets it go, Bucky tells him to take a deeper one, so he does, and as he breathes it out, he feels the alarm fade.

Not completely, though. Not with the evidence of his snooping in his lap.

With a glance back at where porn is still typed out in the recycle bin’s search bar and a chuckle, Bucky asks, almost laughing, “What were you doin’, sweetheart?” 

Peter doesn’t expect it, but the fight drains from his body. It’s him accepting his fate, he realizes belatedly.

“I, uh,” Peter pauses, because it’s still so difficult to say the words, “was looking for porn.”

Bucky laughs for real this time, and Peter closes his eyes with a sigh. That wasn’t what he meant to say, at all.

“No - I was looking for y-your porn, like, what you watch,” Peter explains, and Bucky is still laughing, but he waves a hand.

“Yeah, I got that.” He says, making an effort to curb his laughter, “Why, though?”

Peter bites his lip. "Do you watch porn?”

He was scared that meeting Bucky’s question with a question would frustrate the man, but he only looks more amused.

“Why would I?”

Huh?

“What?”

“Why would I watch porn?” Bucky sounds genuinely confused, “We have sex almost everyday.”

Almost, Peter nearly stresses, but catches himself. Obviously, he’s dramatically misread the situation. 

“Y-Yeah, but,” Peter tries to come up with something, anything, “like, maybe, before we dated?”

“I know it’s kinda old, but I got the thing not too long before we met, actually.”

That bit of information also sends Peter reeling, and he almost argues about it - because the laptop isn’t 'kinda old,' it’s ancient - but Bucky speaks before he does.

“Were you lookin’ for the kinda porn I’m into?”

Peter nearly sags with relief. How does he always manage to get it before Peter has to explain? 

“Yeah.”

Bucky’s smile shifts, and it’s - he likes that, Peter notices, and, it’s - it's sexual.

“What, did you wanna tease me?” Bucky licks his lips, “Rile me up?”

Oh. That works, and it’s pretty true, even. Peter can work with that.

He nods. Bucky continues, and he looks so pleased.

“It’s you, sugar,” Bucky brings his hand to Peter’s cheek, and his hold is so gentle, but the calluses are rough, and it’s such a satisfying dichotomy that Peter can’t help but lean into it, “You get me wild.”

If only. Peter’s never seen him be wild. 

But he couldn’t say that. Not when Bucky sounds like he absolutely means it, and it makes Peter’s heart flutter.

Peter has been a bit weird lately. 

Well, Peter is always a bit weird, but it’s a part of his charm. He’s been acting extra weird lately, Bucky’s noticed, and while it’s just as endearing, it’s confusing, too.

He almost calls Peter out on it after he’s found him searching for porn on his computer - more than he had already, anyway - but he just gets so tense when Bucky tries to make him really talk about something. He doesn’t want to bring up that energy - not so late, anyway. 

So Bucky plans to talk to him about it tomorrow.

And Peter thwarts that plan as soon as they wake up. Usually, he’s eager to spend the last day of their shared weekend off together, but before they’ve even had their coffee, Peter’s rushing out the door with the excuse of meeting up with his college friends at a cafe. Not too long later he texted they were going to do an impromptu study group for an upcoming quiz, then, after five hours, texted him they were going to hang out more.  

Bucky tries not to be suspicious of or retaliatory to Peter even more than he’s learned to be with his partners, because the kid’s not had a great track record with boyfriends, to say the least, but this is ridiculous. When he’s been gone for a whole seven hours, under the guise of shoddy excuses, Bucky decides his curiosity needs to be sated more than Peter needs to be coddled, and his new plan is to snoop into Peter’s computer like the kid tried with him. Obviously, if he assumed Bucky would have porn on his laptop, Peter’s got some on his. 

Bucky doesn’t plan to look until Peter texts that he’s on his way home, though. He thinks it’ll be funny if the kid finds himself where Bucky stood last night.

So, after Peter texted that he’s omw, Bucky pulls out his computer. It’s so sleek, thin and light, yet wide, and he hates using it, but he’s dying to know. How much porn could Peter possibly watch, considering how much they have sex, and how busy he’s kept as a student and part-time employee?

Not very much, Bucky assumes.

And holy fuck is he wrong.

He takes a wild guess and searches porn in the convenient - but too bulky, and ugly - search engine in the toolbar, and a stupidly obviously labeled folder, not porn don’t look, comes right up. There’s several subfolders - distinguishing the videos by kink, dear God - and dozens of videos in most of them, over a hundred in a few.

What the fuck.

Bucky’s surprised - Jesus Christ, so surprised - at so many things, but - where the fuck does Peter find the time to watch so much porn? What does it mean that he’s amassed such a collection? How has Bucky never walked in on him watching it? Is there a way to see how many hours of it there are, because it’s a stupidly high amount, definitely--

Bucky takes a breath. He leans back, too, because the little previews are too much to look at, and he takes a moment to appreciate just how understandable it was that Peter was so confused yesterday. It must be unthinkable, to not watch porn, to him. But - Peter’s never even mentioned porn before, not in the half-a-year they’ve been dating, so what was so different about yesterday?

The question has Bucky sitting back up, ready to delve deeper. He starts by reading the names of the folders closer, finding it’s not just organized by kink, but by his favorite pornstars, too. The kid’s got several, all with typical pornstar names, and according to the previews, he’s got a type for big and buff. Checks out.

With another deep, grounding breath, Bucky clicks on the folder name Ultimate Favorites. It’s only got thirteen videos in it, but all the titles are a fuckin’ doozy. It’s shit like Small Twink Fucked Hard, and Daddy Pounds His Boy Until He Cries, and - Jesus fuck - Dom Verbally Abuses Sub While Anally Abusing Him. 

Bucky’s nauseous just reading that last one. He never would’ve guessed Peter was into such rough sex. Not just because the kid gets all wide-eyed and stuttery whenever sex is even mentioned, but because Peter’s just so - soft. In all the ways a person can be, really.

Bucky doesn’t know how to reconcile what he knows Peter to be like with this new information about him. He distantly knows that he doesn’t have to - that Peter’s kinks don't reflect anything about his personality, and acting like they do is only reductive - but the instinct is so strong, he can’t help but fruitlessly try.

Before he can reconsider, Bucky’s clicking on one of the more mildly titled videos - not that any of them are mild at all - just to understand better what Peter’s so into. 

The video loads almost immediately, and it doesn’t waste time with any kind of introduction - there’s suddenly two men on the screen, their size difference resembling Bucky and Peter’s to a ridiculous degree, and the larger one pushes the smaller onto a bed carelessly before climbing on top of him. It’s a bunch of shoving and aggressive groping along with cruel words and name calling, and Bucky’s never been more turned off in his life. He can’t believe this porno is among Peter’s favorites - his boyfriend’s never once let on that this is the kind of sex he’s into.

While he’s staring, Bucky’s on screen lookalike finally quitting with the rough teasing and moving onto the brutal fucking, he hears Peter enter his apartment. Bucky doesn’t mute the video, and Peter’s light footsteps stop immediately. Bucky can just see the look on his face - that caught-in-the-headlights one that makes Peter look more like a deer than Bucky thought a person could - and he stifles a laugh as the steps pick back up, this time much more hesitant. When Peter’s a good foot into the living room, Bucky turns around, acting as if he hadn’t heard him coming in.

With the computer filling the room with sounds of slapping and exaggerated moans, Bucky greets, struggling to keep a smirk off his face,  “Hi, honey. How was your day?”

Peter doesn’t answer him and - yep, there’s that look. Instead, he gapes like a fish at where his computer is steadied on Bucky’s lap, eyes wide and frantic.

“Why’d you never mention this, doll?” Bucky asks, dropping the act as Peter keeps looking like disaster is seconds away. He pauses the video and sets the laptop to the side, motioning for Peter to join him on the couch.

Peter does join him, albeit uncertain and his eyes still trained on the graphic image on the computer screen. He’s quiet as he sits as far as he can from Bucky.

“I--” Peter starts, gaze transfixed on the laptop. “Can you - close that?”

Bucky does. Peter keeps looking at it.

“You okay?” Bucky asks, chuckling.

Peter finally looks at him. He seems scared, Bucky realizes. He closes a bit of the distance between them, leaving some incase Peter feels suffocated, and puts a hand on the back of his neck, a touch Peter always leans into.

He does this time, too. He relaxes some, and Bucky prompts, “Were you scared to tell me?”

Peter relaxes even more, his shoulders falling. He nods. “I know you probably don’t care--”

Bucky interrupts to confirm with a nod of his own, “I don’t.”

“But it’s just--” Peter huffs, eyebrows furrowing, “Embarrassing.”

Bucky nods more. “It doesn’t change how I think about you.” He reassures Peter, “At all.”

“That's good.” Peter breathes, and Bucky can’t help but laugh softly. “I was starting to think it would gross you out.”

It kinda does, but Bucky doesn’t say that. It isn’t important how the porn he’s into makes Bucky feel. 

“No, baby. It doesn’t.”

Peter leans into his side, and Bucky shifts to embrace him. Silence attempts to settle around them, but Bucky can’t help his need to tease.

“So… where’d you find the time to make such a collection?” 

Peter cringes. “I, uh, started it years ago.”

Bucky raises his eyebrows. He doesn’t know why he didn’t assume that - it’s a seriously massive collection - but thinking of how far back years suggests, and how Peter is just twenty-two, he can’t help but ask for clarification.

“How many years you talkin’?”

“Uhh…” Peter trails off, seeming to really think about it. Bucky can see the moment he finds the answer, and his expression closes.  “...several.”

Bucky decides to wager a guess. He doesn’t really know why he wants to know this answer, but he thinks it might help him understand just how into kink Peter is.

“Sixteen?”

Peter whines. “Jamie.”

Bucky’s eyes widen. “Fifteen?”

Peter pulls away a bit to cover his face with his hands, and he whines unintelligibly this time.

“Christ, it wasn’t younger than thirteen, was it?”

Peter shakes his head. “N-No, I--” His words are muffled by his palms,  “I was fourteen.”

Bucky breathes a sigh of relief. Peter can’t lie for shit, so Bucky can tell he isn’t just appeasing him. 

Then it hits him just how long Peter’s been fantasizing about this kind of sex.

“You’re really into this stuff, huh?”

Peter burrows further into his hands. Bucky rubs his back, and considers his next words carefully.

“If you want, we could explore some of the tamer stuff you have in there.” 

Peter drops his hands from his face and he looks excited for all of two seconds. Then, his expression falls. “None of it’s… tame. I mean, I guess--” Peter cuts himself off to cough, wincing as he tries to get the words out, “uh, im-impact play isn’t, you know, hardcore, I guess.”

“Spanking and stuff?”

“...and stuff.” Peter says with a flush. 

“We’ll start with spanking,” Bucky laughs, adding just in case, “if you want to.”

But it wasn’t necessary, because Peter brightens immediately. 

“Really?”

“Yeah, really.” 

Peter smiles wide, and Bucky can’t help but return it with one of his own.

[tinyboxxtink]

"Weird Secret Friends" *Chapter 12*

Chapter 11

(i fucked this up by editing on my phone and now I have to post the next chapter link like this. )

Whoooo buddy! The angst is REAL, y'all.

I apologize for this, but also I really don't. And I made it normal length to make up for that short shitty one earlier.

Enjoy!!!! Mwahahahahha

Tag List

@madamsnape921

@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@stars-trash-18

@omgsuperstarg

@objection-argumentative

@thatesqcrush

@shittanyy

@mrsrafaelbarba

---------

It seemed like forever for the ambulance to get there, Rafael just sat there trembling and crying while you started to convulse in his arms. Finally the door busted open and EMT’s threw you on a gurney and took you downstairs. Rafael sprinted behind them and jumped in the back of the ambulance as it sped away.

“Y/N….Carino please, please don’t die on me…” Rafael stroked your hair as you were hooked up to oxygen and anti drug meds. It was like literal hell having to watch this all over again, even worse that it was someone he actually...loved.

“Please, please don’t die…” He looked up to the sky.

----------------

Rafael paced the hospital waiting area furiously, they wouldn’t let him go back with you once the ambulance got you both there. When he saw Sonny running up the hallway towards him, he grabbed him by the neck and shoved him up against the wall.

“I TOLD YOU!!!!” He screamed violently, while several nurses ran over and pulled them apart.

“Rafael! Jesus Christ--” Sonny was breathing heavily while he tried to recover from Rafael’s ambush.

“I told you something was wrong, I told you I knew her better than you did!” He tried to wrestle away from the nurses.

“Okay I’m sorry, I’m sorry alright?!” Sonny yelled, tears starting to fill his eyes. “I should have listened to you--”

“You’re god damn right you should have!!!” Rafael continued to scream.“ She could die right now, do you realize that?”

“Of course I realize that!” Sonny screamed back while looking around them, trying not to make a scene.

“God dammit Carisi, she knew better than you. Why didn't you listen to her?!” Rafael was beginning to cry; he was so upset.

“Barba I--” Sonny started to apologize.

“Excuse me, is Miss Y/L/N’s family here?” An orderly came out from the back.

“I am!” Sonny forgot about Rafael and ran over to the man, Rafael did the same.

“I’m sorry sir but this is really just a family conversation--” He started to dismiss Rafael, but Sonny put his hand up.

“He’s fine,” He assured the doctor.

“Right, well--” He cleared his throat as he led them to a more quiet area. “The damage to Y/N’s body is pretty bad,”

“....God,” Sonny muttered, putting a hand over his forehead.

“The mouthwash has several chemicals that aren’t in traditional grain alcohols, mostly lethal. And her pancreas, liver and gallbladder were already severely damaged from the years of alcohol abuse,” He explained as he looked gravely between the two men.

“No…” Rafael put his hands over his face.

Flashbacks of a very similar conversation happening between a doctor and his mother filled his mind. The way his mother fell against the wall when she heard the doctor say there was a good chance his father was never waking up.

“How bad is it, doc?” Sonny’s voice quivered, and Rafael instinctively took his hand.

“Well, we had to completely remove the gallbladder, and parts of her pancreas so she’s most likely going to develop diabetes,” He further explained. “...And she most likely will need a liver transplant, depending on how the next 24 hours go,”

“Christ…” Sonny whipped his hand from Rafael’s touch and put both of his hands over his head while he paced.

“Can we see her?” Rafael asked.

“Yes, you know your daughter is very lucky to be alive,” The doctor informed them.

“...Excuse me?” Sonny asked while he and Rafael exchanged confused looks.

“...Are you two not her dads?” The doctor waved his pen between the two men.

“Oh my god,” Rafael muttered in horror, wanting to vomit right there.

“Uh, no sir-- no we’re not,” Sonny shook his head. “I’m her uncle and this is my partner,”

“Excuse me?!” Rafael practically screamed in disgust.

“...Do you want them to let you back there to see her or not, honey?” Sonny said through his teeth.

“Right,” Rafael nodded uncomfortably, taking Sonny’s hand once more. “We’re her...Uncles,” He tried not to grimace.

“Oh, right. So sorry sirs,” The doctor apologized once more as he led your “Uncles” to the room you were in. You were unconscious, but breathing on your own.

“She might be out a while from the meds, if you’d like to come back tomorrow,” The doctor informed them once more.

“Uh, I think we’ll wait at least for a little while, if you don’t mind doc,” Sonny replied while Rafael walked up to your sleeping body and just stroked your hair lovingly.

“Whatever you two want to do is fine with me,” He nodded. “I have other patients to see, if you’ll excuse me,”

Sonny nodded to him and he walked out of the room leaving the three of you alone. Sonny ran his hands through his hair while Rafael pulled a chair up next to your bed, still stroking your hair.

“...Barba I think you should leave,” Sonny said softly.

“...What?” He laughed. “Are you...are you fucking joking me, Carisi?”

“No look,” He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you, I’m sorry I didn’t hear her. And I’m sorry that I just...gave up, protecting her,”

“Yeah well--”

“But I hear you now, and-- and she’s going to need to go away,” He looked at your sleeping body sadly.

“She’s in no shape to go anywhere, Carisi,” Rafael clutched your hand as if he was protecting you.

“Not now, no,” Sonny agreed. “But when she’s better--”

“We don’t know if she’s going to get better!” Rafael suddenly stood up and walked towards him; Sonny backed up as he approached, afraid Rafael was going to grab him again.

“Even more reason you shouldn’t be here!” Sonny argued.

“What?”

“Barba look,” He cautiously put a hand on Rafael’s shoulder. “I...I get that you two have some kind of-- I don’t know, connection,” He glanced at you.

“But it doesn’t change the fact that you barely know her, and she barely knows you. You have a job and a life waiting for you tomorrow, you can’t be sitting here sitting vigil for some girl you slept with once,”

“How dare you fucking say that to me, Carisi,” Rafael’s eyes narrowed as he snapped his shoulder from Sonny’s grasp.

“How fucking dare you. First you don’t want me anywhere near her, then you tell her she’s nothing to me, then suddenly you think that I’m in love with her, and-- and now that I’m finally...attached to her-- you want me to just leave her alone again?”

“No, I never wanted you near her because of this exact situation!” Sonny hissed, trying not to wake you. “I told you straight up that she was complicated, and that you weren’t about that life,”

“I am about that life-- I’m serious, about her,” Rafael corrected himself, rolling his eyes at the terms Sonny used.

“Well I don’t think you should be,” Sonny crossed his arms.

“This is the jealousy thing again, isn’t it?” Rafael licked his lips angrily. “You and your stupid ego can’t stand the fact that we--”

“That is NOT it Rafael and you fucking know it,” Sonny narrowed his eyes.

“Then what is it?” Rafael crossed his arms. “It’s clearly not because it’s too much for me, because I’m flat out telling you it’s not,”

“Rafael--” Sonny placed his hands over his face. “I have spent my life protecting this girl, okay? And I may have dropped the ball here, but that just means that I will sure as hell not do it again. And that means that I have to have her best interest at heart,”

“What does that even mean?” Rafael looked at him quizzically.

“Her whole world is different now, Barba!” Sonny gestured to you. “You heard the doc. She has no gallbladder, whatever the fuck that means, she will probably get diabetes, god knows what will happen even if she needs a liver transplant, but my guess is it ain’t good!”

“...Well she won’t be able to drink alcohol,” Rafael said softly.

“Which will make her sobriety that much more urgent and permanent, Barba,” Sonny stepped towards your bed.

“She’s gonna have a long hard road ahead of herself no matter which way this goes right now, and keeping her on track is the only way she is gonna get through it. You think she’s gonna be able to focus on anything but you if you stay here?”

“I can help her--” Rafael insisted, glancing down at your innocent sleeping face. It broke his heart you were hurting, now all he wanted to do was take care of you and make sure you never hurt again.

“You don’t have the time or the freedom to do that, Rafael,” Sonny said sternly. “And you know it,” Sonny’s statement brought him back to reality.

“And you do?” He looked back up at Sonny.

“I’m a detective, Barba. It’s not like I do that much,” Sonny shrugged. “And I have enough PTO for a bit to take care of her. And she’s my responsibility! She’s MY family, Liv will understand that. What she won’t understand is you sitting Shiva at some young girl’s bedside who you barely know,”

“....And what are you going to do when she gets better?” Rafael ran a finger down your bare arm, wishing you would wake up and stop this nonsense your cousin was spewing.

“I’ll ask around,” Sonny now sat next to your bed. “I’ll find her a good place, somewhere she can be taken care of the right way, not some creepy mental hospital,”

“...Alright fine,” He sighed, looking at his watch. It was getting late, and he had an early court date.

“I’m coming back--”

“No, you’re not,” Sonny shook his head. “Look I promise you if she gets worse and needs your emergency liver or kidney or somethin’, I’ll let you know. Other than that, just-- leave her be,”

Rafael flashed back to the last time Sonny had used those words, and how as soon as he agreed, you heard him and it destroyed you. He couldn’t do that again, what if you could still hear him?

“No, I’m coming back--”

“Barba if you come back here I’m gonna tell the nurses that we broke up and you are no family member of hers,”

“You,” He shook his head. “You wouldn’t do that--”

“If it keeps you away from her, I’ll do anything right now Barba, I’m sorry,” Sonny gave him a sympathetic look.

“...She’ll never forgive you for this, Carisi,” He warned Sonny. “When she finds out you kept us apart she will never forgive you,”

“What are you Romeo and Juliet all of a sudden, counselor?” Sonny scoffed. “Give me a friggin break. I’m sure she’ll get over it, when she’s clean and sober and thinking straight,”

“I’ll never forgive you for this,” he growled with a death glare.

“...Yeah, well--” Sonny stood up and started escorting Rafael out the door. “I guess that’s something I’ll just have to live with,”

Rafael glared at him once more before turning on his heels and stomping down the hall, just as you stirred from your med nap.

“Sunshine?” Sonny quickly ran to your bedside.

“Rafa..?” You sleepily asked, you swore you heard his voice just moments ago.

“It’s Sonny,” He nervously looked back at the door, making sure Rafael hadn’t heard you wake up and came running in again.

“Oh,” You blinked several times, trying to get your vision back. When the blur in your pupils resolved, you saw Sonny’s smiling face beaming at you.

“Hey there,” He kissed your forehead. “You scared the shit outta me there, Sunshine,”

“...I’m so sorry, Sonny,” You began to cry in remorse.

“Hey hey hey,” Sonny took you in his arms and shushed you while he rocked you. “Shh shh shh, you’re alright. I’m sorry I didn’t hear you when you were asking for help, I just--I just let you go,”

“...But Rafael didn’t,” You sniffled as you looked around the room for him. “Where is he?”

“He uh--” Sonny stammered. “He left, Sunshine. Early court meeting tomorrow, y’know. Lawyer stuff,”

“Right,” You nodded.

“...He said he wouldn’t be coming back,” Sonny added with a sympathetic look.

“What?” You blinked in disbelief. Had he really just taken off? Without even saying goodbye?

“Well it’s just,” Sonny took your hands. “Honey you’re-- you’re gonna have a lot to go through these next few weeks, maybe months. And Rafael--”

“He doesn’t have time for that,” You finished for him, accepting the truth.

“Yeah,” Sonny nodded slowly.

“Right,” You picked at your blanket as you stared down at it morosely. “Well, I guess I shouldn’t have expected anything more than him dropping me here. He tried telling me that he was--”

“He was what?” Sonny quirked an eyebrow. You thought about telling him that Rafael had said he was in love with you, but you weren’t entirely sure that happened anymore, given how out of it you were at the apartment.

“...He was ready for a relationship,” You lied. “But I guess he wasn’t ready for a dumpster fire of a girlfriend,”

“You’re not a dumpster fire, Sunshine,” Sonny assured you.

“...Yeah clearly this doesn’t scream ‘damaged goods’,” You gestured to all the wires you were hooked up to.

“You’re not--” Sonny sighed and shook his head as he wrapped his arms back around you. “You’ll find someone,”

“...Not someone like him,” You whispered sadly, tears dripping down onto your IV tube.

“Well hey,” Sonny coughed as he tried to change the subject. “I better get goin’ make sure you get some good sleep,”

“...But I was just--” You tried to say you had been sleeping this whole time.

“I’ll come check on you tomorrow, kay?” Sonny kissed your head and started heading towards the door. He hated to do this, but he had to keep you safe. He turned around and gave you a sad smile.

“Hey, Sunshine?”

“Yeah, Son?”

“I uh, I don’t wanna rub it in or nothin’, I just--” Sonny cleared his throat. “Barba wanted me to tell you not to contact him anymore,”

“...Oh,” You looked over at your phone, which was charging on the table next to your bed.

“He just thought it would be easier, y’know? Clean break and all,” Sonny lied with a sad smile.

“Yeah, sure no of course,” You nodded, trying to keep it together.

“Alright well, I’ll see ya,” He nodded one more time before shutting the door, leaving you alone.

You immediately grabbed your phone and began typing a message to Rafael, telling him how you were sorry and that you never should have tried to kick him out, and that he saved your life and that you knew you were a huge mess, but that you would clean yourself and do everything in your power to be good enough for him if he just let you--and you just stared at it.

You re-read it a thousand times, tears streaming down your cheeks. You couldn’t send this, it was pathetic. He already made his choice, he tried to tell you he loved you and you had blown him off by almost dying in his arms. And he ran. You couldn’t blame him either, you’d run away faster than a Kenyan track star if you were him.

After going through all that bullshit with his dad, he’d never want to relive that with you, some girl he barely knew. There was no way. And begging him to come back to you after all the shit you said to him at your apartment was just pitiful.

You deleted the message and then started to delete his contact info, but you knew you needed to be drastic. If it was a clean break he wanted, you’d have to give it to him. You’d already put him through way too much stress and punishment than he deserved, you had to be stopped. You highlighted his number and hit “BLOCK NUMBER”, before deleting it from your phone.

There. Now there was no way you could find him, or vice versa. Clean break. You put the phone down next to you and laid down, realizing what you had just done. You had just deleted the potential love of your life from your existence, forever. You cried yourself to sleep, only dreaming of Rafael.

=============

Rafael laid down in his bed after getting home and showering the bad day off of him. He opened the text thread of your messages, and saw the ellipsis light up, signaling that you were typing. It was there for a long time, he became more and more anxious as they just flashed in the darkness, taunting him. He was so happy you were okay, he had to tell you what Sonny said but that he would never be able to keep him from you. He waited and waited, and then the dots were gone. He waited a moment for you to send it, but soon got impatient and just texted you

“Y/N I’m so glad you’re okay, you had me so worried. I miss you,”

He hit SEND, but was met with the most horrifying response:

“The number you have texted has blocked you from contacting them.”

“No…” He muttered alone in the dark. “No, this can’t be happening,”

Did Sonny have your phone? Did he do this? Did he tell you something to make you do this? Did you do this on your own when you realized he had left. Sonny had to have told you something bad, something diabolical. He had no way of contacting you now, and he would never get into the hospital to see you.

What was going on?

-------------

The next morning after his court session, Rafael headed over to the precinct to talk to Sonny. He practically sprinted through the door into the bullpen, to find it empty.

“...Where’s the SVU squad?” Rafael asked a cop at the front desk.

“Do I look like a concierge, Barba?” The cop rolled his eyes. “Does my badge say ‘doorman’? I don’t keep tabs on you people!”

“Thanks Louie,” Rafael rolled his eyes as he walked out of the station, dialing Sonny’s number on his phone.

“Hello?”

“What did you do?”

“Barba?”

“What did you do, Carisi?!”

“What do you mean?”

“Y/N blocked my number,”

“Well good--”

“NO, not good. Carisi. What did you say to her?”

“Y’know Barba, maybe you should take the hint and move on,”

“Oh fuck you, Carisi,” He growled into the phone. “I’m going to the hospital,”

“Yeah well, good luck getting in here counselor,” Sonny shook his head with a small laugh, glancing over at you in your room, while he stood outside. “I’ve told the nurses you were a deadbeat dad who wanted to kidnap our niece for yourself, so they’re on alert not to let you anywhere near her,”

“You’re evil,” His voice was low and horrified.

“I’m doing what’s best for my baby cousin, Barba. If that makes me the bad guy, so be it,” Sonny spoke like a mob boss, tracing the glass on the window to your room.

“I’ll see her when she gets out,” Rafael sneered.

“Well that might be difficult, seeing as I’ve found her a very nice place to go as soon as she gets outta here. Somewhere far away from here, and you,” Sonny couldn’t help but smirk.

“No, Carisi don’t do this,” Rafael became desperate, his angry threats turned to pathetic pleas. “Please don’t send her away-- I love her,”

“If you love her you’ll let her go, Rafael,” Sonny simply said, ending the call before Rafael could say anything else.

“GOD DAMMIT!!!!” Rafael screamed in the middle of the foot traffic, making people turn and stare at him.

He had to fix this. He couldn’t let you leave thinking he didn’t want you. He couldn’t lose you, not now. Not after everything.

Was he going to lose you forever?

[sometipsygnostalgic]

adventure time wizard city liveblog

 well here we go

my last adventure time liveblog, i havent actually done one of these in MANY years... probably not since 2014

this takes place at the same time as obsidian?

DID-- DID CHOOSE GOOSE JUST DIE

DID BUFO JUST KILL CHOOSE GOOSE

yeah i know that’s bufo, they only made it enormously obvious, tsk tsk

@spaceacepearl​ joked about us seeing choose goose get sent to hell but i diDNT EXPECT IT TO HAPPEN

This music is i assume by one of the many musical artists Adam Muto listed on twitter, it rocks. It’s not as hardcore as Obsidian’s intro, but it’s suitably chill for the scene. 

“get offa my bus kid”

Those wizards in the left and far right groups appear to be new! 

OH MY GOD--

HELP?????? NEW PROFILE PIC TIME

HAHAHAHAH

THE MUSICAL CON DID ME GOOD, I DID REALLY LOUD AUDIBLE LAUGHTER

i bet hanna and co had fun making these signs

my favourite is the cat with “FAMILIARS HAVE RIGHTS”

cadorka..... wow

We’re not even four minutes into the ep and peppermint butler has already killed someone in front of a large group of witnesses

“this smells of DARK MAGIC” “yall kids know thats illegal right” peps watches the other kids nod before later joining in, LOL

i cant believe pep started the great gum wars and got killed by golb

SOMEONE has been playing Overwatch... 

i-- i still cant believe choose goose is fucking dead

how long was he stuck in hell for, or was that recent to together again after new death showed up 

i have to admit im not a big fan of spader, too perfect, and not in that funny way either. i hope they give him some characteristics that make him stand out. 

im getting flashbacks to OK KO and Owl House here...

Cadebra using music is a reference to Abracadaniel’s love of interpretetive dance in Play Date. 

“they only laugh because youre different” “i know” “SO STOP BEING DIFFERENT” oh my god it’s like talking to my own parents cadebra is actually... a LOT like me, less in her hyperactivity but more in her nonchalant enthusiasm and almost acceptance of the inevitable bullying because it means more time in people’s consciousness

ahhh - it’s quietly revealed here that she is responsible and a skilled magician, she is just bored of magic! i like that she parents abracadaniel instead of being downtrodden by his ramblings. 

PEP NO--- oh i see the problem, he hasn’t got his Bug Milk... sorry Martin Olsen fans, no Hunson today. At least we get one more Phil Face for the road! 

candy people in their natural habitat

Ahhh that’s Doctor Calidoneus! The voice actor was at the recent Distant Lands panel alongside Pep and Blaine’s actors. 

“pretty sure hes just trashcandy” - i like you, sassy antler lady

the mystery of how he gets clothes

and once again spader is proving to be the most irritating distant lands character of the lot, there is no subversion here. where is the subversion?  

NANI

what is going on here? are pep and peppermint the same person or not? im sure they must be, but there is something going on here with peppermint butler’s soul being trapped in the body of his child self who hasn’t got the same memories. 

OH, HYNDEN WALCH DID A NEW LINE yes this is what im here for, special over 

peppermint butler cursed himself... of course he did - Shado was correct!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WHAT THE FUCK

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

ROCK STUDENT, BLESSED ROCK STUDENT, WAS THAT POOR GUY WHO LOOKS LIKE A JAWBREAKER

love the reference to astral plane, of course pep cant astrally project because cursed pep is still inside of him 

wow, blaine, wow

they have a crush

LITTLE DUDE! COLE SANCHEZ!

i love the dynamic between cadebra and abracadaniel, imo so far it’s the heart of the special. im not really gripped by peppermint butler’s school troubles. i imagine someone else probably will be but i want to run past that shit as far as possible. 

TRDGFYGHJH

WE

WE MADE  A PREDICTION THAT WAS JUST LIKE THIS

PEPPERMINT BUTLER GETTING TURNED INTO THE FOUR COMPONENTS OF PEPPER MINT BUTT LURE WAS IN THE WIZARD CITY PREDICTIONS ART DRAW THAT HASNT BEEN POSTED YET

ILL SHOW YOU WHEN NICK POSTS THE VIDEO and then ill tell you who made the prediction because i... think it was nick himself, insanity 

who plagiarized finn’s signature???

turns out pep really DID take over wizard city!!!!

i love this band

i understand your pain peps

you probably have a bit too much in common with your mother, and i imagine it isn’t easy being turned into a kid and not being able to do stuff that came so easy. you’re disappointing yourself! (he’s literally disappointing himself)

I’m less than halfway through the special, what the fuck. I wasn’t wrong when I said Wizard City had a lot on its plate. It’s noit that I’ve been particularly gripped up to this point, though to be fair I didn’t pause at all during the other specials barring Obsidian. 

that... that poor kid is still a rock

and then the preview happened and bufo casually revealed to the audience that, yes, he killed choose goose

i dont know whats happening with pep but it seems he needs to be exorcised of... pep. which is a shame. i hope they learn to coexist. 

i have to say the background work in this special is really good! like, really damn good. 

WH

WHAT

DID SPADER JUST DIE

IS THIS WHY PEOPLE THINK PEPBUT KILLED HIM 

oh thats right - abracadaniel is cadebra’s uncle! this must be abracadniels sister. sorry, folks, he doesn’t fuck. 

Where are they? Is this anywhere near Wizard City? It’s an unpopulated prewar wasteland. 

THESE ARE JUST HUMANS

OF COURSE SHE WANTS TO PERFORM TO MILQUETOAST HUMANS

my child

is this an art style choice or did they get the people from that one studio to make this

HANNA FINALLY GETS TO FULFIL HER DREAM OF INSERTING KANEDA INTO ADVENTURE TIME

the red jacket he wears and his head pill shape is a big kaneda reference actually, which i suppose makes sense considering he’s a rival to our protagonist, but it’s a bit on the nose

bufo killed one of his own students? but why????

“MY UNCLE’S A COP”

“no one likes a rat”

i actually really like blaine, though im confused. did their VA change halfway through the special?

HOW NATURAL, NO WASTE, IT IS AN ENDLESS CHAIN

did doctor caledonius steal the trophy,,,? 

EVIL SNAIL EVIL SNAIL

MONMSTER HUNJTER DISCOVERY NOISE, this time it’s a tetsucabra

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I HAVE QUESTIONS

god i wish this is what this special was about, i miss adventure time

these remind me of the comics with their art style :) i wonder who designed them? the one on the right with pb and pep, in particular, very comics-y. 

fdgfhgf because he’s like 500

“pep can be kind of a jerk but he wouldn’t kill anyone”

sorry, cadebra, i have news for you

is doctor calednoius the true villain? if bufo’s out of the picture, she MUST be, 

ANTS

oh no, he might gbe stuck in wizard city :( 

HELP

the writing on the wall...

SPADER LITERALLY FUCKING DIED OH YM JESUS CHRIST

PEPPERMINT BUTLER’S OWN CULT????

THIS IS JUST OK KO NOW

okay im not surprised all the teachers at wizard city are cultists in worship of peps, maybe they killed spader and bufo because they bullied peps T_T

wait no, they thought spader had the potential, but sadly not

HE FUCKING KILLED HIMSELF

sorry, i was distracted by the pretty dope fight sequence and now the special is over????

fucking jesse, hes probably at least partly responsible for the cult nonsense

This credits art is by Maya Petersen!!!! Holy shit it’s adorable!

LRETGFDRGTFGMHGFHFG

LEAF MAN

DO YOU THINK THEY PUT HIM IN RETROSPECTIVELY

DO YOU THINK MAYA PETERSEN DREW THIS AND ADAM PUT IT IN THE EP RETROSPECTIVELY

HE LIVES

MAYBE THIS IS WHY CHOOSE GOOSE WENT TO HELL

okay, it’s over :) 

first thoughts out of the way: not a big fan of this special. it’s like watching a completely different show. it’s not got the PZSHAHH of the normal wizard city stuff and there weren’t a lot of funny jokes or even hearty moments in the thing. 

it suffers from a lack of invested character interactions, much like BMO did. there was not a single main cast member in the whole thing! and like i said before, much of peppermint butler’s character in the show is based on his very sweet relationship to his mother, princess bubblegum, so when they showed a single (hilarious) photo of them together it made me sad we didn’t get any scenes with them together. it would have STOLEN this episode. and they teased the hunson golf photo, and death!!! and jake appeared in a photo T_T last jake appearance. 

it also suffers because Peppermint Butler is clearly not himself, imo he was way more entertaining in the Together Again special, where we seem him back to his “normal” self. 

i dont think peps being a dark wizard was something to “kill off” exactly. i wonder what was going on there? was that actually peps, or was that a spirit he cursed himself with based on himself? we at least know in the future he does become a dark wizard again, and even princess :) this special didn’t answer those questions but lol. 

THE GOOD STUFF, because yes, there was a lot of good stuff! 

God, I’m with Aracle and Maya on this - I LOVE Cadebra and her relationship to Pep. I wish she was even in more of this - I would love to watch the adventures of Cadebra and Pepbut in their first year of school, like in the end credits.

That, imo, is where the heart of the special lay - Peppermint Butler’s attempts to impress himself, versus Cadebra’s self acceptance and desire to follow her dreams of being a goofy goober, no matter what other people thought of her. 

It turned out that Cadebra is a responsible student and family member. I really liked that. Her scenes with Abracadaniel were, somehow, my favourite in the entire special! 

I like that theres a lot of cool magic towards the end of this special, and a lot of HORRIFYING DEATH. It wouldn’t be adventure time if you didn’t randomly kill off child characters. Poor Spader, I hated you but damn, what a grim fate. 

I like that Bufo and Caledonius had this crush/hatred thing going on, but they were part of the same cult in the end. 

I didn’t like the giant peps scene at the end, the monster was extremely milquetoast compared to the madness we usually get in AT. Obsidian, for example, had the awesome Larvo design. Nemesis had some INSANE dark magic!!!!  I wish they drew more from that episode. 

Considering how much Steve Little appears in this special, I do feel bad for Mace (little Peps). He said he would have really benefitted from coaching, but recieved none. He had to re-record his lines 3 times! Judging from his description of events, Wizard City was a hard time for him. 

The wizard school did remind me, heavily, of both The Owl House and OK KO. Personally I was hoping AT would offer me something more insane, but I do love both of those shows, and I know Wizard City was on a really tight schedule. 

I think they should have spent less time on the school bullying plot, and skipped straight to MURDER. 

We did have a cold opening, not on par with Together Again’s at all, but damn!

I am wondering where I would put this in the watch list? I do think it should sit after Obsidian as the third special. The intro scene makes it clear this takes place at the same time as Obsidian!!!

Well, that was it, the last ep of AT for the next few years at least T_T

i think together again was the better finale, definitely. but wizard city feels pretty detached from AT for me, despite the familiar characters it tonally isn’t like the show other than the awesome brutal death scenes. I thought the last 11 minutes was easily the best in the special! Which, honestly, is how it should be, though I do wish it gripped me more. Maybe I’m just not the target audience for Wizard City? It feels like something I would find very compelling if I was a bit younger! 

[tsuki-sennin]

It's a two-for-one special, folks! ...and it has nothing to do with the fact that I neglected my Pretty Cure watching the week before, nuh-uh!

Besides, 14 episodes minus 13 episodes is equal to like... 1 episode, right? This should count as 1 episode altogether~!

I'm pretty late for tonight since I already had dinner. Fast food. Not particularly good for you, but you make sacrifices for convenience, you know? Besides, a bit of Chinken Nunget does a man good!

Spoilers, I guess... con carne~! And uh... this might be a bit long, so...

Episode 13, dig in!

-Amane Get!

-What the hecc, two?

-Oh, twins. Yuan and Mitsuki. ...quite an unusual combination of names.

-I uh... very nearly assumed something I probably shouldn't have.

-Oh hi, Takumi-kun! I look forward to your increased relevance, Mr. "I'm prominent as hell in the opening!"

-"Does that gay dude summon monsters like a duelist?"

-Oh, epic, curry!

-Fishermen.

-Aw, dammit, that means both Takumi and Yui's hot moms aren't available!

-...though then again, both of their dads are pretty good lookin'...

-Man, traveling the world sounds wonderful...

-Don't embarrass your son about this, An!

-Boy, what kinda stiff-ass office chair is that?

-Ah, he's goin' for a while, huh?

-Ohhhh, Monpei! He's got a name card and everything, he must be important!

-Ohhhhhhhh, shoot!

-So, the Delicioustone has much more to it than.

-You're the chosen one, Taco Meat!

-Oh, you gotta look good for your Dad, huh man?

-Oh c'mon, Dad! Not you too!

-Oh... your name's Hikaru too, huh?

-Kome-Kome's taken

-Instant food. ...damn, that's wonderful... man...

-Aaaaaaaaaaaaagh

-Good thing I was raised by a single mom, otherwise I'd be personally disgusted on Takumi's behalf.

-Guess Takumi's walkin' around in the dark.

-Ohhhh, romance lore!

-Ooooooh, delicious~!

-...wait, he's four years younger than you!?

-Damn.

-OH GOD SHE WAS HIS BOSS TOO AGH

-Oh, he's got Organization coat.

-...WAIT

-Delicioustone, randomly showing u

-Oh I got it now, Rosemary's Monpei's brother, and thus Takumi's uncle! I'm calling it now! You can't beat me, Toei! I'm way too smart for this show made for young girls!

-Oh, that sucks, huh Yui-pyon?

-"Holy shit, I fucking love rice."

-C'mon buddy, say it!

-Aw... Yone...

-Whitebait rice~!

-Missed opportunity to call it the Radiopeppi.

-Yeah, you assholes have fun with that!

-Pretty boy going around dressed like an asshole.

-"Ugh... gross. People having fun."

-Man, he's just a proper bastard, huh?

-"Ah fuck, my fitbit's going off. I need to do my daily violence!"

-Ohhhhhhh, shit

-Yeah, I get it fully now. Ending businesses, erasing memories... the Bundoru Gang are real bastards.

-Aaaaand, off she goes.

-Narcistoru. Coolest Phantom Ever.

-"What a waste of his looks" PAMU M N

-You petty-ass bitch

-"Hah. Okay!"

-"C'mon! Motto Ubau-zo!"

-I can respect the flourish, at least.

-Go for it, Takumi!

-Oh wow, this went on a bit. Uh... not that I didn't expect it too, but

-Well, it's definitely way stronger now. With a cognomen like "Motto", I imagine it would be.

-Jesus Christ, that bastard microwave is speedy. ...is it a microwave, or like some kinda weird toaster oven?

-Ohhhhh, there he is!

-Aaaaand the babbies are free

-Well, I hope you're not so suspicious of Rosemary now.

-...not gonna show me your Delicioustone drip, huh buddy? I've been saving my thoughts on it until I see it in action! I promise I won't make fun of you!

-Well, no preview! Jumping straight into Episode 14!

-...Episode 14!

-Ah, I guess we're shelving the first dozen episodes' Grandma intro?

-Love's first taste~! Truly bittersweet...

-Heeeeey, look at you, Takumi!

-Rosemary takes great pride.

-...yeah, the opening's really a vibe. I

-Takumicchi! Can I call ya Takumicchi? Yeah, you've got a litte lady friend!

-"Good job! Gay Uncle Mari's proud of you!"

-Tomoe, huh?

-Salt and pepper...

-"Uhhhh , yeah, ketchup and mayo!"

-Pepper Man.

-Weeeeeell... that manner of conviction is admirable. You should probably get to know somebody a bit more before springing a question like that on them, though.

-"Egg."

-He didn't even get a chance lol

-Oh man,

-S

-SHE RAISED HER FUCKING FINGER AND QUOTED HER GRANDMA

-YUI NAGOMI

-FUKKIN TENDO

-I can't make any more jokes about Grandma Tendou. They fuckin' beat me!

-Those cheap bastards!

-No, I don't give a crap about Takumicchi's girl problems anymore, the joke has been run into the ground and I'm sad!

-Good for you, Ran-Ran.

-"Eat."

-Sweet. Sour. Fizzy. Refreshing. Melting.

-The innumerable

-Oh... Rosemary-san... I see...

-"Yeah, you wanna fuckin' eat that shit, huh Secretoru?"

-Bittersweet.

-Man, these two...

-There you are, Takumicchi!

-Ohhhh, he's serious.

-About the delicate subject of love, that is~!

-"WHAT MANNER OF PSYCHOLOGICAL WARFARE IS THIS?!"

-"Aaaaaah, young love~! How delightfully tempestuous and confusing~!"

-"Wow!"

-"Fuit gummy!"

-Ohhhhhh, there she is!

-Your sassy gay uncle is now besties with Sans Undertale.

-Ah, love's like that, eh Takumicchi?

-Amane Kasai will be just fine.

-"Ohhhh, goddammit, I can't believe I'm doing this..."

-Ohhh, egg pasta...

-The way it's presented here... I think I'd like to have it with a splash of hotsauce and Parmesan.

-Recibepis

-Memory Massacring!

-Hora!

-It's a... panini press? Mmm...

-Let's go, Takumicchi!

-...I just realized that I don't have an awful lot to say about Kokone this time around. ...uhhh, she's pretty kino. I'd love to see Spicy gets to something super cool sometime soon.

-Steampressed!

-Yeaaaah, good job, Spicy! Ask and ye shall receive.

-Mmmmmm... grilled sandwiches...

-Sammich...

-Hell yeah, Spicy, press that bitch!

-Shit's al dente!

-Steamed Rice.

-Is it he? Can he be?

-Oh trust me Mem-Mem, if you hit that panini press, the fight'd be over in seconds.

-Ohhhh there he is!

-Cinnamon~!

-Black Pepper!

-Black Pepper! ...a fairly simple design, to be sure, but damn do you make it work! I really like how antithetical it is to the Bundoru Gang.

-Seeing dudes do stuff in Pretty Cure's never not gonna be unappreciated.

-Punch.

-Yep, we won pretty handily.

-...soooooo, are we gonna keep this secret, Pepper Boy?

-Cook Fighter!

-"I respectfully decline, but I hope we can enjoy a long and fruitful friendship regardless."

-Real Chad move.

-The taste of first love is truly bittersweet. Let it out, Tomoe-chan. You got this.

-Man.

-Good work today, everybody! I realize this is a pretty long one, but hopefully we all had some fun!

-I can only imagine where we're going with the developments we've seen tonight.

-Pic-a-nic~!

-Ahhhhh, Kokone~! Hooray, Kokone focus~! I'm pleased as punch about this! Looking forward to Saturday~! ...for real this time, I promise.